Cashew Cheese

Cheese is one of the hardest things to turn down once you’ve decided you’re not going to eat it, or at least it was for me. I get it. Also, have you had tapioca cheese before? I’m not so sure it’s even food. If I had to eat tapioca cheese every day, I might just lick a hot spoon and say goodbye to my taste buds altogether. Oh, cheese. You are so unkind to my body. You’re like the no good boyfriend my parents wouldn’t let me date and yet I couldn’t stay away from. Luckily, I respect myself too much to go through the gastrointestinal distress, so if I can outgrow Rico Suave over there, you’re certainly getting the boot. There is one thing I love more than cheese, and by a longshot: myself. Oh, and cashews. Oh, Baby Jesus…how good are cashews? I’m pretty sure they’re what angels eat in Heaven. So, I found a recipe online for some very easy cashew cheese. I was like, “No way, it’s just that easy?” and boldvegan.com was like, “Yes, child, it’s that stupidly easy.” Ok, so some minor differences: For one, I bought a juicer earlier this year (and I’m pretty sure this is real love we’re talking about) so instead of a food processor, I used a masticating juicer. That sounds very dirty, but look it up, ya nastay. You can follow the original recipe if you don’t have a masticating juicer, and it will render a slightly less smooth and maybe softer spread. 1 cup unsalted Cashews 2 tsp Lemon Juice ¼ tsp Table Salt Pinch of freshly ground Black Pepper I soaked the Cashews in 3 cups of water (as per the recipe) for 1 ½ hours. The cashews had expanded and looked paler in color. I drained the water from them, and fed them straight into the juicer without any sort of cap (the thing that shapes whatever comes out of the mill) and let them fall into a bowl. Lemon, salt and pepper were all folded unceremoniously into the resulting nut butter with a rubber spatula, and then I ran all of it through the juicer again, but this time with the little cap on that gives shape to capellini pasta. Placing the cap on it this time ensured that no large bits managed to make it through, though it came out so creamy the first time that I doubt it was really anything to worry about. I then shaped it into a ball, flattened it out, and rolled down the edges to give it that old timey cheese shape we’ve all come to know and love. As for taste, it is so delicious. If you want to bring a cheeseball to the party that people will actually willingly eat, (and not like those first time grazers that fall for that almond covered nonsense, like poor little deer going for the hunter’s corn only to learn the bitter taste of betrayal,) you should make all future cheeseballs out of cashew cheese. Seriously, people will not be able to keep their hands off your balls. They will salivate at the sight of them, eagerly anticipating the opportunity to savor the creamy delicacy. Put it away, I’m still talking about cashew cheese. This makes an excellent substitute for cream cheese, and I can’t even believe I just wrote that. You can also add garlic or tomato paste to punch up the flavor and make it into more of a spread, and it will blow hummus right out of the water. Add a spoonful to thicken up a soup. Ooh! I just thought of my next recipe! It’s a very versatile little paste, so experiment and let us know what you came up with in the comments below. The original recipe can be found at http://boldvegan.com/cashew-cheese-easy-recipe/

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